After yesterday, before tomorrow

Writing has to become naturally. Achieving that goal needs habits. Although I have the ways to blog every day now, I still don't do it.

Unexpectedly I was in the local MP's office already today, but we had different topics with the office staff, not with MP himself. Him I still will meet on Friday.

But the results after first two days of this week have even lessen my belief in bureaucracy here - seems like everything is so stucked in points, where it shouldn't be. So - some things are totally hopeless...

... yet other ones show even more promise than I had courage to believe in. Tens and tens of new different opportunities just pop out of nothing. Not out of nothing, but in a way that I haven't thought before. You walk on the street, eyes open, and then you see something, walk by and ... Stop! You look back, observe, think - and there is a new idea.

I used to think that as United Kingdom has so many people compared to Estonia, then pretty much everything has been done here already. In reality - it's much easier here to find any vacant spots on the business market, than it is in Estonia.

Strange...

Black Friday

No - I am not going to talk about the darkest day in online poker history, although I lost with it some dollars, too. I just love Fridays and I also like black color. So black Fridays are not so bad for me - especially when it's the 13th date.

My today's black Friday was quite successful: got few phone calls, printed out some important stuff for my little company, prepared for Monday's meeting in Barclays and hanged around the Burnley in this lovely rainy weather.

And my next week will be crazy. Getting my sweety (my laptop) back gave me new breathing and all things seem to fall into their rightful places now. Or at least they started their falling. So what to wait for me in the next week?

Monday starts with the appointment in Barclays, where I am going to open the account for my company. Then I'll have a meeting about the new logo creating project and I also hand over my first project - the design of the fliers.

On Tuesday I will be picked up by a guy from HelpDirect to take me to some place, where all my benefits' misunderstandings will be taken care of.

Wednesday takes me Nelson, the town I never was before. I will have a meeting there with Pendle Enterprise business advisor to look over my business plans. That meeting may help me to move towards my bigger idea about creating one world-shaking website. So to say...

Thursday is quite open, but I am sure I will fill that day soon.

And next Friday I am going to meet a local Member of the Parliament. It was not on my plans, but Phil - one of my saviors - thought it might be a good idea to meet him and tell him my story...

So I probably will see, what I will have at the end of the next week.

And yes - I got my first UK-located blanket today. I do have a chance to sleep under the blanket finally, two months after my arriving here :)

Living...

Back to the words after a little break. Reason of my being away was simple, although one might have thought, that this reason would help me to write even more.

First of all - my computer rules... After using all other PCs and laptops, getting back my own laptop was a heavenly experience. I am still thankful for all that help I got.

And I am a business owner from today. I was Sole Trader before, but today I founded limited company. By that company I will do my advertising and graphic design works here, in United Kingdom, and I am quite happy at the moment - I already have three smaller projects even before my website is ready.

BRIEST SOLUTIONS LTD - founded 17/10/2013

So all my free daytime I run around the town, looking for new oportunities, and at nights I am trying to figure out my own company's style. Some ideas I have, but I still need to work with them.

So - things look much better today than they looked a week ago. In one week I have accomplished half of my goals that I thought during all those unlucky weeks. And the other half looks quite reachable now.

Just for fun - trying to recall my skills...

Maybe now is the time to do some plans for the next 4 weeks?

1. Get enough income to visit my family - MOST IMPORTANT!
2. Get at least 8 new projects.
3. Start working with the "Bicycle" project, too.
4. Not to be hungry anymore :)
5. Write some good texts...

I think it's enough for now. If I accomplish all these, then things should be the way, they supposed to be one and half months ago.

Good luck for me!

Back to the roots...

Or back to the square one.

My dearest Katariina have told me past few years that maybe it's my nickname W. Hocares that have breaked me down on achieving some better results in my life. Not that I have used W. Hocares only for writing, I also used it in public to trying to get some personal projects.

She was right all the time. I just refused to believe it. How wrong of me?!

Several days ago I was writing some overviews about my business plans, I've came up here in United Kingdom during my desperate times. And in there I used the term "mavericks". So in my keyword explanation I tried to open that meaning for me. Here is what I wrote:

"Mavericks - After seeing "Top Gun" movie in 1987, Maverick became my nickname for some following years. Although I got to know the real meaning of that word only in 2004 (I always thought it was just the name), the meaning of it had carried me through all these years.

Unconventional people are often those who are able to carry out big changes."

And when I had written it all down, I looked again my calculations and plans, I started to think more about it.

I have been using W. Hocares, since I abandoned name Maverick. W. Hocares seemed more adult for me, more clever... Even the meaning of it - surely you English-speaking people have figured out the play of words there - who cares :)

At first it was thought as a way to describe my style of writing - I didn't care the political correctness or my texts' effect on people as long as I believed what I wrote and as long as I believed it was just. But as years passed, W. Hocares came out from creative writing and brought it's influence to my every day life. And the things didn't work out so well anymore.

In real life you have to care, if you want to be successful.

So - after this night of thinking I decided to put W. Hocares back where he belongs - to writing and only there. Now more W. Hocares in my real life.

Instead of it I call back the Maverick from the times, when I was young, invincible and successful in accomplishing seemingly impossible goals. I really need Maverick's invulnerable goal orientation and will to everything as good as possible.

It was few days back.

Today - forcing myself to believe in my old self - I already accomplished something, that may help me to move one. Something, that has been impossible last six weeks. Something that was impossible when I tried to do everything in an UK ways, but what worked in two days after I used Maverick's approach.

So - after all - there is hope for me again:)

*

And it is my son Oskar's 1,5 years birthday today. Not having the ability to gift him a Ferrari, or at least the Jaguar, I tried to use my skills to make him something else.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY LITTLE OSKAR!!!

PS As I didn't have my laptop with his pictures, I had to use the only pic I had of him - picture from my Estonian bank card.

Reaction

As I wrote in my previous post, Burnley has given me wish to write. Here is one short piece.

***

I really like to observe people's reactions. These are interesting. Each person is unique, and in this context, unique and nuanceful are also their emotions and the way emotions appear. Despite the fact that I have observed people and their reactions for years, I still find it fascinating.

The only thing that bothers me after all this time, is the predictability of the order how those reactions appear.

It does not matter - asking for a loan, proposal of marriage, whatever - it all comes in certain order, like from the tape, without any surprises. Sometimes I wonder if maybe the order is in human's genes, is it some kind of uniqueness of human thinking, that leaves them only one possible way to react. I know that animals act differently. I have read it, I have seen it.

Communication with people and it's predictability led me to boredom. At least until I started to check my theory in real life; to check if people really react the same. In every situation. Making a compliment to a lovely seller in the shop, giving flowers on the street to a total stranger, "asking for the cigarette" from a man walking out the bar. Yes - even the proposal of marriage I made to a girl I met barely month ago. And now I am engaged to a girl, I once complimented in the shop. Damned!

Are you really unable to differentiate?

*

I looked at him waiting for the reaction, hoping that at least this time it will be something different.

Surprise.

Of course he is surprised, I think contemptuously. Everyone is, if you're doing something they do not expect. "He's probably kidding" or "He's not serious" or some other thought like that passed his head, when he saw me and the nature of my act. So usual - especially if you are doing something unthinkable to a person, who is used to vegetate in the society's shore water.

Understanding.

Yes - I am not kidding and I am really serious about all this stuff, because I really want someone to surprise me. I really do not want to live with the boring knowledge that you all are so similar. But at the moment he only understands what I am doing.

For a second I drift away in my mind - would I myself do something different? Would my reactions be in some other order? Maybe I have the same, the biggest break of humans - the need to analyze EVERYTHING?

Fear.

Fear that comes from the understanding the unusualness of the moment. Not always physical fear, mostly it's a fear about it's own person that became surprised. Fear that arises from the same - this time a bit overplayed - ability to analyse, from the need to think and understand everything. Fear of ego being caught unexpectedly. Yes, I see that fear in his eyes. Get the f*** over it and go to the last step.

One American, or least student studying in American university described perfectly in his book, how badly can man behave using his thinking and desire to understand and explain everything: seeing an attacking lion a man should immediately flee or counterattack - the last, of course, in case if a man has something that may be used as a weapon -, because there are no other right ways to react; still, most of the attacks have the positive result for the lion, because the primary reaction is to wonder: "No way, that this sweet little kitten decided to attack me?!" Yummy!

But in his eyes I saw him coming to a reaction, which actually should always come first.

Reconciliation.

Accepting the situation, because only after you accept the situation as it is, you are able to respond properly. Any response would have been better than this standard surprise-understanding-fear order. He accepted the situation, but it was two seconds too late for proper respond. He should have responded right after my question to him.

"One second after my question I will cut your throat with this knife. What do you do?"

Run, fight, - for god's sake - make a joke. Respond, damn you! One second is a long time.

No. He surprised and started to analyze.

I pulled the knife from man's throat and wiped it clean with the tissue.

"STOP!!! POLICE!!!"

I froze.

I was surprised.

"How the hell the police got right here, in this very exact moment?!"

Inspirational Burnley

Those few people from the United Kingdom, who have read my blog posts about my being here, may have noticed already how much criticism I have done towards the UK. Maybe it's because of my unlucky adventures here... Well - that is the reason, to be honest. But I am not always like that.

As I have written quite long time, my experiences with journalism have shown me, that if you write about positive things only, you will lose your readers sooner or later, because - believe it or not - people do not like to read something that has no conflict in it. One of my good friends who also writes, had a great idea few years back - why don't we make a newspaper "Good News" and write there about good things and events. Sadly - this is not profitable, because no one is interested in reading only about good things. Just look around - even the greatest love stories written in all time, they all have conflicts, they all have bad events, that cause the reader to hold his/her breath, hoping that the heroes will survive and find happiness. And these stories are not read because of the happiness, but because of the thrill in these. Actually there are plenty of normal, real happy life stories in real life, where people meet each other, fell in love and live happily ever after, but there are very few who are really interested in reading about so lame and boring life events. Sorry!

I have even statistics for that. When I wrote some good articles in Estonian media, I got barely few hundred readers and 5-6 comments under the articles. But when I wrote about some topic in critical and sharply sarcastical way, there were more than ten thousand readers for an article and more than two hundred comments. Just for the information - in Estonia there is only 1,3 million people, of which Estonians are about 850 thousand only. So little math shows, that articles with good and happy text were read by 0,035 % of Estonian speaking population, while critical articles were read by >1,18 % of the same population. So it's at least 33,3 times more readers. Think about it! Actually my own blog in Estonian shows the same tendency. As soon as I touch some tender topics about society, the amount of readers and comments rise rapidly.

So - writing critical is a way to successful writing. There's nothing to do against it - people, readers are interested in things like that.

But what I wanted to say in the beginning that I do not write only about critical topics and in critical ways.

Last night I was thinking about the Burnely and I found this town really inspirational for me. Actually it started, when I stepped out from the library I was writing my last post, and saw some interesting and good opportunities here.

From the first day I came here, I liked that town. I like it's size, it's layout, it's people - except one bouncer. You know who I mean. And I also like the lanscape around the town.

All the Burnley have given me so many ideas, even so many new experiences, which may have been bad when they happened, but every experience is a lesson for future. But what is most important for me - being in Burnley has given me back my wish to write. I was struggling with that wish in Estonia lately, but now it's back and usually it means good thing.

If I am willing to write, I am ready and able to do almost everything I want.

Thank you, Burnley!

Updates about nothingness

Few days ago I had a hope that all those things will come to a happy end finally. Yes - I was happy on Monday. I was told that in few days all my applications will have a decision. So there came Thursday and today - I went to check things out and guess what? I just adore bureaucracy. As I am in public library now with quite slow internet at the moment and I need to check few things from the web still, I need to leave you, readers without details now, but I will do it later.

• Another funny thing is about police here. They stopped the investigation about my crime case with the next reason. I quote: "I have also called your supervisors but got no reply" Well - that is a real reason, on might say. In Estonia - there the crimes are defined by three levels depending of its seriousness to person. First degree crimes are crimes, where people get hurt (or killed, if their really unlucky). So it is quite hilarious, that police would stop the investigation of the first degree crime case only because key witnesses do not answer the phone. Especially when calls made are done under Private Number at the work time, when many working people cannot answer their personal phones and after seeing no number, they cannot even call back. Hilarious because I gave to police not only the phone numbers, but also the names, addresses and working place, that is literally two miles from local constabulary. And the police has cars. I know it - I've seen cars in police colors on streets.

Anyway - while disappointed in some things, I still haven't gave up my plans and I am still battling towards my goals: always looking for new contacts, new possibilities. Though it's getting harder and harder every day, I still find good people with a will to help me to find the means that would really start work to benefit us all.

Yes - life's hard currently, but I know it will get better. It cannot go any worse, anyway, so the only way is up.

• And finally about the national character or about language habits - I do not know exactly. Anyway, I do not find it troubling for me; I think it's another funny thing for me.

I got the message from the landlord today: "Hey! How are you feeling? Can you make (one little thing to help)?"

So I thought that I answer as I usually answer - that is how I really think, honestly: "Honestly - I am feeling totally down, but I can get you the (thing asked), when I get home."

Then came the answer: "Great Thanks"

WHAT THE HELL?! I was telling that I am feeling awful, and the answer comes like this. That is why I personally NEVER ask, how anybody is feeling or going or doing, if I am not really interested. Just because if I ask it and I got the negative answer, I feel kind of committed to help the person. And if someone answers me that thing are going really bad, I NEVER answer them that it's great. I feel sorry and if I cannot help, I at least try to comfort the person with words.

I understand that it's common politeness here in English speaking country to ask those kind of question, but I guess people have to be ready to hear the honest answers, too. Instead of it - my experiences show that people just ignore and make the face they didn't hear the answer. (It's like Death and some other characters in Terry Pratchett Discworld series - people actually can see them, but they choose not to see them because it's not a pleasant option for them.)

Though British people are considered as very polite people, and what they mostly are in my point of view, too, that part of their (and Americans too, of course) behaviour is extremely rude, non-polite. I know it's hard to come out of habits, but sometimes one has to.

So please - do not ask questions, if you are not interested in hearing the honest answers. And if you ask, reaction is usually waited accordingly.